Overcoming Shame through God's Word

I really don't know where to start, but I'm vulnerable. So, here it goes! Today, I was on an outing with a friend, and I explained to her that I share my story, but often, I don't want to share it because of shame. I feel ashamed about what I've gone through and sometimes think that once the story is complete, I will have everything that feels like success that I can share. This idea is definitely not wrong or right, but to me, in this season, it feels suffocating and crippling as I feel led to share my story with others.

After our poolside conversation, I decided I didn't want fear to cripple me anymore. I opened my blog website, and here I am again sharing it with you all. Even as I do, the shame of not being consistent in writing creeps up but is silenced with every tap of the keys. Shame, I realized, had nothing to do with God but everything to do with me and the image that I so often want to portray or live up to.

Recently I made one of the biggest moves of my life and it was all by the grace of God. I have been in this new city for two years come August, and most of my friends and loved ones already know. Some know in detail, and others know I'm just here, but as I share a little bit now, I hope to share more over the coming time. Yet I came to brag about God's love for us, encourage someone else struggling with shame, and tell you that it is no longer your story.

See, shame came to tell us that we must hide, and that's the exact opposite of what we do as lights for Jesus Christ. We let our light shine, and our testimonies draw people to God and bring forth light in their lives. See, my past was partying, sleeping around, and experimenting with all types of lifestyles, but that is not the future, and it is not who I am. This was just part of my story and where God brought me from. I remember being so heavily addicted to weed. I said addicted because I felt I needed it. I woke up every day and didn't care to brush my teeth, wash my face, or do anything but smoke. After that, I'll do the other things and wouldn't eat without it. I got baptized thinking, yes, this is the way, but even after that, I wanted to smoke. But even now, looking back a few months after getting baptized, I found my world turned upside down. All my closest friends had moved out of the state, and I felt alone. I felt like all my friends had done something with their lives, and here I was, still at home and trying to finish school after flunking out. Not only was I doing that, but I had minimum wage paying jobs and felt so inadequate. What was wrong with me, and why was I such a disgrace? I often knew in my head I was gifted, but why was I still doing nothing? I hung onto my friendships and was proud of them, but I soon realized I wasn't going with them. By the end of the next year, my best friend and I began to grow apart, and I'd enrolled in school, quit smoking on a daily and began to have a relationship with God.

See, I tell this part of my story because what looked shameful and like a big stain and spot on my life was actually a way to measure growth spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This moment that made me feel less than and unworthy would not be the last voice I was to hear. Even sharing today in vulnerability with my friend, I could overcome my shame and do the very things shame hindered me from doing.

Shame cripples you because it reminds you of all your failures and mistakes. Fears become the biggest voice as you try not to make the same mistakes or live in your past failures. Yet when you take these feelings to God, he will help you overcome every enemy of your soul. What really was the driving factor in my writing beyond the conversation was the leading of God's spirit.

I was in my personal prayer time, praying for my loved ones, and then I found myself repeating: I sought the Lord, and He delivered me out of all my fears. I repeated it and repeated it, and tears began to stream down my face. As I meditated on it and repeatedly spoke it, it was like the word was made manifest. I opened the Bible to Psalm 34, where this verse is found, and I started at verse 1. It stated

I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. 2I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. 3Glorify the Lord with me;let us exalt his name together. 4I sought the Lord, and he answered me;he delivered me from all my fears. 5Those who look to him are radiant;their faces are never covered with shame.

Verse 5 speaks of how when we, as believers, look to God, our faces are never covered with shame. This was the moment I knew God answered me, and I couldn't make this up because all I knew was I sought the Lord. There was nothing about verse 5, but God knew I was dealing with shame, and it was almost as if He said through His word, there is nothing for you to be ashamed of.

So here I am telling those who feel stupid because they have been betrayed by a loved one, disgusted with themselves because of that bad habit, or just broken because they've made mistakes that led to a path of shame: Go to God. Don't let the enemy tell you it's too late, that you have to stay in this place of shame and hide. Come out into the light, and let the Lord turn your shame into His glory.