Emotions as Indicators

I learned something this weekend that truly changed the way I looked at my feelings. During a deep conversation with a new friend in my life, I became aware of my emotions and how I had numbed them for so long. Numbing my emotions became a way for me to in turn people please because I had nothing to signal to me that this was enough. Emotions indicate where boundaries need to be set.

Being that I have been someone to always people please I was always more concerned about others' emotions than my own. Despite being uncomfortable with propositions, statements, and different situations, I learned to numb my emotions instead of letting them be indicators of how I should proceed going forward. For instance, when my children are loud and jump on me while I'm on the phone, I feel frustrated. Instead of addressing it, I will just let it build up until I just yell and then they think I'm crazy.

This is me being vulnerable, then after I yelled at them Im like dang maybe I shouldn't have acted like that and repeat the cycle, or Im uncomfortable when someone comes to my house and doesn't take their shoes off but I would rather put down my emotions so that they do not feel uncomfortable or think that Im doing too much by addressing that we don't wear shoes in our house. This is something that I notice is a challenge for me and just a deeper level of God's refining process.

I learned that I feel uncomfortable when people set boundaries because I have no boundaries for myself. I'm like they are doing too much but really they know their worth and they are not willing to compromise their being just to fit in or make others okay with them. This led to me also learning that when it comes to stuff about God I am more filled with conviction and boundaries than when it comes to me his creation.

When it came time for Halloween there was no compromising in my children dressing up or fitting in with others. I made sure that they didn't attend any Halloween celebrations and that they knew that we didn't celebrate Halloween and I tried to explain to them as much as possible why. This was something I was not willing to compromise on and that was it. Yet when it comes to me, what I want for my life, and how I want to be treated I need the same energy but often find that I cower at just the thought of speaking my mind.

I will often try to talk myself out of the feelings or even try to feel differently to be able to accommodate what is really an indicator of this is not aligning with your being and who God created you to be. This was just a level of transparency I really wanted to share and I hope that it encourages those who also struggle to dig down deep and explore emotions that they have put off for so long out of fear of hurting others and being rejected. This gives room to our own hurting and rejection of ourselves.

This process of letting our emotions be indicators of change and speaking up will not be easy but for sure it will be easier and with God, it is definitely possible.

Lord those that have been struggling with pleasing others more than pleasing you God I ask that you break the chain in Jesus's name. Let their emotions be indicators of the things you called them to act on and those things you are calling them to turn away from. Let them not ignore their emotions any longer but rather process them in a healthy way with the leading of Your Holy Spirit. Wherever they are weak Lord be strong in them and speak through them in this season building their reliance on you and what you said about them and not what others perceive. Lord help us not to people please but that our main focus is to please you, God. Thank you for bringing this issue in our hearts to our attention and we ask that you create in us a clean heart and renew a right spirit in Jesus's name we pray.

Amen!